Dating while healing, is it safe?

As a single woman and mother in my 30s, I want to approach dating lightly and in a fun way. I just got divorced, and my daughter is soon to be 8. As much as I would love a relationship some days right now, my focus is to have a fun time meeting people and discovering new places, food, and experience while staying focused on my business and family and prioritizing healing and self-care.

Often we are told that these elements can not work together. How can you prioritize self-care and healing while also wanting to be out there and experience new things? These two goals can cohabitate, and here is what I do to make them actually work for me.

One of the first steps to making your dating and healing vibe work together is, undoubtedly, recognizing gaslighting behaviour from your prospective partners. You can not heal with someone, even just a few dates, if they are insidiously gaslighting you. Remember, the priority is yourself, mental health, healing, and feeling good. Dating when healing should be therapeutic and not stressful or complicated.

To keep my dating experience simple, enjoyable, and beneficial to my healing, I avoid gaslighting behaviour, and when I see it, I run far away. For example, I don't dismiss my feelings when something feels off or contradictory in my date behaviour. Or if I feel like the person is making me doubt my reality and I feel minimized in my feelings, experiences, or emotions instead of empowered to share more. I repeat the experience, don't go on any more dates, and don't get mad. I move on, and I DON'T FEEL GUILTY ABOUT IT. I trust my intuition, and that's all that matters.

When healing, you really don't want to entertain any negativity. You are already dealing with a lot emotionally and should not add any more emotional burden to your bag.

Now, I hear you thinking, so why not date and wait until you are fully healed?

Dating can be beneficial to your healing process.

The common thinking is that we should exclude ourselves from dating when we are in a healing period of our life, but as humans, we are always seeking closeness, belonging, and connection. Relationships are part of the human experience. Even when healing from traumatic events, we should maintain interpersonal relationships because those relationships play a significant role in overall healing.

I firmly believe that you can date while healing and that dating can ease your pain and struggles when done right. Whether recovering from a previous relationship or childhood wound, you must build firm boundaries, self-awareness and communication skills to move forward.

Dating with intention and your well-being in mind allows you to build those pillars and attract a healthy relationship that respects your journey. You can use dating to learn these skills. The fact that you don't have strings attached and don't owe anything during the early stage allows you to be authentic to yourself and set your rules the way You want. You take the good, enjoy being spoiled and the attention, and don't have to give more of yourself than you want/can. It may sound manipulative, but if you are clear with the person from the beginning, it becomes intentional and honest. You will feel great about it and won't jeopardize your healing process.

Communicate about where you are and be upfront with your dates.

From the start, you should communicate about your situation and be upfront about your emotional well-being.

Here is what you can say when being invited on a first date.

"Hey, I am still going through some up and down from a previous situation/relationship, but I don't want to lock myself. I am open to light and stressless dates when I can make it, but if I can, I am not looking to explain myself. I hope it won't sound selfish, but I'm prioritizing myself over anything t the moment. If that is ok with you, sure, book a table."

Trust your instinct and prioritize yourself and have fun dating while healing!